The Quest continues as I find myself still in Carnia, gradually resolving the intense emotional patterns that came up during Alaya’s unasked-for-suggestion that I forgive my birth family and come to Love the human condition. It was a difficult evening, filled with the old retreat from the uncomfortable sensations into self-pleasure, when, faced with the reality of the next layer of agitation towards the various indignities of the mortal plane, I simply wanted to sleep. To get away from the discomfort of being in Carnia, of having little resource, of feeling a medley of excitement towards the coherence which is now moving through my form and an annoyance at the very process of being human.
Nonetheless, more and more I am coming to an understanding into what it means to be, to have a human self inside the context of the material plane on a journey of realization defined by the very nature of the human plane. A Quest of resolving coherence, in which the teachings I am here to deliver regarding the Akasha Yoga are finally coming into clarity, able to be transmitted through the texts and videos that I am currently building. As always, there is a sense of everything happening in perfect timing, that there is a larger DIvine agenda behind the sequence of events that can be seen in the ethers of the Akasha, and that everything serves a large function, including where and when we arrive on the surface of the Incarnate plane.
After a successful period of writing at the coffee shoppe, I find myself to a Sunday service at the Self Realization Fellowship. I have never been to one of these things, yet I feel it is necessary for my movement forward so I enter the space, sitting down and listening to the speaker. Immediately I notice something in the space. While the speaker is repeating the words of their guru, they themselves are not enlightened. The vibrational timbre beneath their words is not that of an enlightened master. In essence, the light had left the building, yet the disciples were still carrying their candles down it’s halls.
Yet despite this, the remnants of Yogananda’s presence resonated through the space, vibrating across the subtle and causal ethers of the temple’s location here in Encinitas. While the speaker’s words were not in any way realized or enlightened and did not carry that same gravity of impact, there was merit, and I listened attentively to what God wanted to share with me through these incarnates in service to the yoga I was bringing to the world. Wishing to gather whatever I could from the situation, I tuned out the speaker’s words, and instead focused my attention on the eyes of Yogananda’s portrait sitting in front of the pews. The practice of contemplating and absorbing the emanations wrought within the etheric substance of a picture of an enlightened being, itself a link to the threads of their essence still reverberating through the Akasha is a time-honored one, and especially potent to a being of my perceptual range.
Here, using my powers to access the emanations of Yogananda through the picture, was the gravity beneath the parroted words of the speaker. There was a clarity, in which I felt my own etheric essence recognize the aspect of the Self that is Yogananda, I bowed to it’s radiance, feeling the wash of that aspect of embodied gnosis moving through my form, shifting the shape of my subtle and causal body in it’s wake.
It was a profoundly subtle experience, clarifying the essence of what the speaker was presenting with the vibrational gnosis that it pointed to. What I found particularly interesting about this was how the topic was “The true nature of God” and it revolved around the idea of “Spirit” being God in it’s unmanifest form, in it’s formlessness becoming form, it’s manifest aspect. What was notable about this in the context of the Akasha and our collective unfoldment was the simple affirmation that what they were speaking about and what I was saying in the teaching of Akasha Yoga was one and the same – that the essence God in it’s unmanifest state was literally that – unmanifest. Not-a-thing, and that being human, or rather God-being-human was the manifest version of that, existing in the world of forms.
Yet while this was a beautiful affirmation in and of itself, another revelation was destined to come to me as the speaker (and the far more potent emanation I was feeling through Yogananda’s picture) went on to discuss the idea of “Bliss”, going so far as to say that the natural state of God was Bliss, and that in this sense our mortal forms were all manifestations of bliss, what they referred to as “bliss bunnies”.
it was cute. Sweet and cute, like making a drink saccharine to help it go down. I looked around at the various people in the pews, sensing the ways in which their consciousness was attempting to digest the words through the various agitations of their minds. It was sweet. A bit boring, lacking in vitality and tantric potency, but sweet.
Still there was value, for as the speaker discussed the nature of “Bliss” I gained an insight into the antics and acrobatics of personal alchemy I had witnessed the many members of the “conscious” community going through in their nigh-endless shadow-work and somatic practices. There was a sense of my own naivete towards the mortal plane and my lack of understanding at just what those incarnates were on about, desirous of an emotional texture related to the traditional expression of the yogas as they existed in the Akasha.
I bowed to this, recognizing that such was the vessel for me to understand this crucial piece of the mortal condition. To understand that this feeling, this idea and aspiration to experience “Bliss”, existed in the minds of the people because of the various ways the yogas had been presented, that the pleasure-seeking kriyas performed by the community was defined by this aspiration, to experience a fabled sensory and emotional state that was the gnosis of Oneness with God.
Afterwards, I made my way into the main temple (note this was not the main Self Realization Fellowship location down by Swami’s Beach here in Encinitas, but one of the adjacent temples on the side-streets of the towne), where I moved to shoot a photo of the array of avatars placed at the front of the pews. As I did, immediately a couple of the ushers moved to intercept me, so I raised my hand in compliance and put down the camera. Again, the sense of the hall being empty and the people just going through the motions, the inspiration of true enlightenment grasped at through the repetition of it’s dogma, felt flush in the air.
Heading outside, I end up speaking with one of the ushers, expressing how this is my first time at one of the sermons of the Self Realization Fellowship and that it is interesting to me for I experience myself as a being of Realization itself. Kindly, I couch what I am saying with a statement that I don’t expect them to believe me, either God is being a being of Realization through me or i’m incorrect, and that one way or another it doesn’t really matter, which is true. However, as Fate would have it, I encounter an usher with an open mind, and we fall into an easy camaraderie, where I applaud his actions of service to the people in what remains of the temple after Yogananda’s departure from the mortal coil. All in all, it is a beautiful experience, inspiring a vastness of contemplation, both into the nature of “Bliss” as a goal fo sensory experience and my sense of responsibility-as-an-avatar-of-consciousness to help the people understand the nature of realization in a contemporary way.
There is always a sense of impermanence, of witnessing the mortal coil and it’s any forms as sandcastles before the tides of time that comes to me when I come to the waterside. Such is invariably a deeply mystical experience where the voices of the deva speak to me through the elements, clarifying and revealing the nature of what God is experiencing as my self through the wisdom of the water.
As I walk down the beach, I notice striations in the sand, lines of dark color against the tan. Once again, the sense of the timelines of mortal incarnations, of temporary forms across the endlessly shifting terrain, flushes in my consciousness.
It is beautiful, the lines reminding me of the rivulets of blood and essence that flow through the chambers of the human vessel, itself a golem of etheric clay, a thing of sand and light defined by it’s impermanence in the face of the crashing waves.
There is significance here. For so many years I have heard incarnates speak of the virtues of meditation. Once upon a time, I had looked at the nature of meditation through the ethers of the Akasha, and had seen that the agitation of the mind which created incoherence in the waters of the self was soothed by this action, that the very essence of stilling one’s consciousness was necessary in the mortal plane to have access to the assets of abundance which were our shared birthright. Yet while I understood this in it’s structure, like so many aspects of the mortal coil I had yet to make it a regular practice, to drop into the reality that I was not exempt from such things and that despite my inborn siddhic virtues of awareness I was required to endure the process which Yogananda had referred to as the “drudgery” of meditation to achieve the “bliss” of being.
Of course, as a newcomer to the earth plane, this is the essence of what I have been on about, the necessary drudgery of repetitive practices to deal with the reality of having an ego, prompting the ongoing question within me –> “Why does the self exist if we are simply trying to dissolve it?”
The Feminine Divine
A surprise awaits me as I return to Philz coffee to continue writing out the yoga of story and prepping for the videos to help the people, arriving in the form of Lexi, a beauteous embodiment of the Divine Feminine with whom I get into a long and deeply felt interaction, one that soothes the sense of frustration and isolation I have been feeling on the Quest ….
It’s notable that in the beginning of the conversation, Lexi’s tendency (as an aspect of that Divine Feminine inclusion) was to try to change the statement “That’s not where they are at” regarding the consciousness of the people with something inclusive such as “but they could be” or similar. Here I saw the same tendency to sacrifice clarity for inclusion, to pretend that something is other than what it is currently being in favor of an emotional desire to include it in proceedings that it cannot, by definition, participate in.
This was fascinating to me, for it felt like the same tendency I saw in Lady Ash, a vibration of wanting to make sure everyone was included, that I included myself in the human condition and that, in a sense “all the children were taken care of”, at least in that idea of what “taking care of” actually means. It was interesting in the sense that it is such a mothering quality, a high ideal of inclusion that for all it’s bright intention felt inconsistent with it’s own sense of boundary and preference. In essence, I noted then as I do with Ash’s repeated assertions that the emotional ideal of “including everyone at the party” broke down when such ideals were applied to the very real boundaries and preferences of the self. It was a thing I noticed in Alaya Love’s manifestation as well, this sense of wishing to nurture the children in a certain way which to me implied a sacrifice of self in service to another that I found disauthentic to the tenets of my current self. Nonetheless, such was a deeply meaningful moment in which I contemplated the impertinence of Alaya’s suggestion that I forgive and love my self and my human family, considering the essence of the Divine Mother that was her aspect within the larger pantheon and it’s relationship with the Divine Father aspect of the Sky that is mine.
That being said, it was a fabulously lovely interaction where I felt the flushness of connection, the inquiry into the deeper octaves of shared consciousness, the movement into a brighter degree of intimacy with the human condition and connection with the Feminine Divine.
Broadcasts by the Waterside – From the Quest
Leaving Philz after the beautiful engagement with Lexi’s bright consciousness, I’m led to the main beach lot where I feel the setting of the Sun. Here something deeply magical happens as I receive a text from my birth mother, confirming the effect of the forgiveness and self-love practices that I invoked the night before! There is a sense that since the outer manifestation is a reflection of the inner, my indulgence of Alaya’s presumption and application of the practices had produced a result, validating the value of her arrogance of giving unasked for advice.
More and more I am coming to see the essence of relationship with the natural world that is so distracted from the people who live in the many conditions of the Commonwealth. There is a sense of being deeply blessed in the conditions of Carnia, not simply invoking gratitude as a modifier to an agitating circumstance, but rather a genuine appreciation of how free I am from the madness of the common consciousness.
As I wander through the parking lot at dusk, I get a sensation, a feeling of using the setting of the Sun as a lever to process through the agitations in my subconscious related to my birth family and their inadequacy of consciousness. An inspiration comes to me to smoke a little ganja, something I am generally avoiding due to the effect the smoke & fire has on my lungs yet in this instance, a small amount feels appropriate. Such inspires a beautiful transmission which recognized the value of Alaya’s insolence and the subsequent appearance of my blood mother’s transmission through the ardency of my application of the healing arts.