But don’t think I don’t go through it. We’re all facing our portion of the distortion.
Just this morning I awoke mired in the mud, processing through the resistances and resolutions of the old paradigm of value and my movement to embody the remedy. I honestly felt the agitated textures of my being and my flickering mind and asked the universe, “How am I supposed to love this!?”
I tried to meditate but it was like moving through muck, so I went out to the land and worked on moving earth back over the ethernet line to help this aspect of the Temple move forward. As I did, with every breath I invoked forgiveness, releasing my greviences to the earth, while moving towards love for what is. It was deeply challenging, as this overall sense of defeat has been looming over my chest, part of the as yet resolving patterns I’m working through.
I thought, “Is this what I must continuously face?”
Yet, even then I felt flashed across my being of the answer, that of which Peter so nobly remained me of the night before. Its the softening, the relaxing into the appreciation of and full trust in the unfoldment. Suddenly, there was more of a hold on that texture, and I went on a walk moving through the inner postures to finally arrive to subtle asana, that of surrendering.
Its such a deep crucible of trust and surrender, of humility and stepping out.
Returning to the Temple, I encounter Peter, with who I share the challenges and the shift I’m moving through. We move through a dynamic of the final clearing of the qualities that came up the night before around my reservations of using the money, which brought up a long-standing anxiety that has repeated in the journey. Over the course of the night and into the morning I faced it, gleaning the lessons of the right use of resource while relaxing into the trust. But still, there is the fear.
“The money wont fix that.” He has said to me. “Its something that’s being put before you to face. To fully trust that the universe provides and you are supported.”
Its true. I felt the golden tone ring through. All along the Quest I’ve been in a crucible of facing that and seeing that at every step, it comes through. I’m led to where I’m meant to be and the resources show up through the right people and circumstances. Still, it’s challenging to be out there on the razors edge, not just believing a theory, but living an axiom and facing the as yet resolved patterns of doubt, not knowing what will come next.
Its the only way though. Now, in this new place of clarity, I see that this is why I have been put into this position by the divine. To prove that all the way through and embody a new paradigm of value and service.
I can see it clearly now, what I must do. Love myself fully, embrace the new.
Share the Magick!