2023-6-2 – Manzanita Mansion

I feel beautiful on waking, still vibrating from the beautiful time at the spa level of Manzanita and the connection with my fellow guardians in Grass Valley. All throughout the night there was a feeling of easy reception, of feeling grounded in the energies of extended family, part of the larger community engaged in a service larger than the self. It has been a beautifu thing to return to the land where I put so much effort during the summer of 2021 with Joshua and to drop right in, the equity of sweat clear in my effort and action over time.

As I rise from sleep yogic observations and realizations pour in, I see once more how far I have come on the Quest, how far the baseline of my consciousness and it’s movement across the stars & the soil has gone, and what such trajectories speak to in terms of the next chapters of the journey.

Things are always clearer first thing in the morning. There’s the recognition that mortal life itself is flush with competing and repetitive vibrations, and that what we consider our selves and their stories as well as the various cycles of “trauma” and “resolution” to be simply spirals of the same, held and released through a medley of social mores which flicker across the ages like candlelight. It’s a sobering thing – where I see the medley of patterns which make up the self-definition of the people as a shape-within-a-shape, the various practices of “shamanic work” and “holding space” as vogue cliches held within a kind of social amniotic fluid of transformative consciousness. Here the very canvas of humanity feels laid bare, the cycles of personality and passion unraveling before my eyes as expressions of the much larger cycles of the seasons of Life herself – of the Tree of Life that defines us all.

A realization comes with us, one gradually anchoring itself into my everyday consciousness which sees the petri dish of “conscious” culture as itself defined by vague and vogue ideas around the idea of compassion itself, suggesting and applying techniques to negotiate the minor discomforts endured by the people and the way-of-negotiating their transformation as relative to that particular specimen of life, where the expectation of a certain kind of compassion and action feels thick with a kind of emotional narcissism defined by a half-formed ideal of pleasant sensations. In essence, while I deeply enjoy the camaraderie and fellowship and while I am willing to engage and participate to the best of my ability, there is a real distinction that is felt between how I experience the Creation from the high branches and low roots of the Crown chaka and how the cycles of growth & decay within our personalities are expressed and resolved within the middle earth.

This has always been a challenge for me – understanding the assumptions of conduct in the mortal plane and how they are based on an theoretical and somewhat unexplored idea of compassion, itself relative to the ideal of a boddhisattvic avatar of projective “Source consciousness”, much of which often feels supported by a dirge of alchemies and entheogenic assistance. It reminds of the recent time in Portland where I felt the social push of compassion-slaved-to-narcissism and recognized once again that in the standards of such expression my manner of being can appear harsh and uninterested, unwilling to “drop in” to the repetitive spiral of trauma resolution and tale-telling without the sovereignty to bring it balance. In essence, I consider it a weak style of being, one which muddies through it’s own unclear mirrors in a wash of projection and egoic pretension, unworthy of regard amongst sober community.

I realize this is a crown perspective, and one of a traveler unbound to the threads of karma which define the personalities within these small puddles of life, as well as seeing it’s relation to the ideal of compassion as perceived within those puddles and their impermanence of social mores. To be kind, while I do recognize the crunch and crumble within it, there is also the knowing that it is an aspiration to the Beauty Way, to approaching the process-of-life through the creation and enjoyment of beauty, finding ways to negotiate the resolving shadows and stories while addressing the “wants” and “needs” of the mortal frame. Here the driving polarity of inspiration which exists between the genders *within* the seasons of the mortal plane becomes seen as an ongoing process within which the very idea of a kriya, of a more detached observance and sensation-based navigate through life becomes defined.